"How many licks does it take?" Zombies & Toys' review of Lollipop Chainsaw

I once knew a girl who was absolutely beautiful.  She was actually just plain ol' hot.  The face and the body mesmerized me and one day, I finally got the chance to go out with her.  And it was one of the worst dates ever.  She was just looks; nothing else.  Her giggling became redundant; her sexualized comments became monotonous and vain.  An hour dinner felt like an eternity and it was an experience that cost me more than I wanted to pay.  If I had been in junior high, this would have been a night to treasure.  But I was in college and was mature enough to be looking for more than looks.

Yes, that was a real date and that is also the perfect way to sum up Lollipop Chainsaw (LC.)

The game opens up to Juliet Starling, San Romero High cheerleader and secret zombie hunter.  Starling has just turned eighteen and is excited about seeing Nick, her boyfriend (he later becomes a magical talking head.)  However, what she doesn't know is that her birthday is about to be filled with shambling corpses and an infestation of unholy dark forces hell-bent on destroying the world.

Beats a cake.

The graphics on LC are good.  With nice cell shading, Lollipop gives everything from school lockers to farm houses to flying ships a standout, pop-out look.  Quite noticeable is the amazing amount of zombie models used in the game.  Especially in the first few levels, the types of undead coming at you include a healthy amount of student looks, teacher appearances and firefighter and police designs. 

Control is handled decently as the gamer can use Juliet's martial arts skills to somersault, flip, pom-pom punch and kick her way through enemies.  Using the chainsaw is similar to your "heavy" move that's utilized in fighting games.  Combos help Juliet gain stars, coins and medals for more upgrades. 

What puts a head-shot to Lollipop Chainsaw is that it focuses on its only “strength:” the sex appeal of its main character.  And then it bombards the gamer with T-n-A jokes, stereotypes (yes, the only minorities are the Asian Kung Fu master and the African-American auto tune pimp zombie boss) and more T-n-A (you can even try to look up Juliet’s skirt and she covers her privates with special poses.)  Aren’t we a little more evolved than the first days of looking for nude codes for Tomb Raider? 

LC insults gamers because it knows it has little, delivers less but still asks a gamer to spend hours and money to play it.  The fact that it has zombies is pretty interchangeable if it were aliens, trolls or robots.  The undead just happen to be popular and you get that “trendy” feeling through the game.  It’s just about getting pubescent players horny.  If the price tag was about half of what it was, perhaps LC would be a “gotta’ have.”  The biggest let down is not what Lollipop Chainsaw is but rather what it could have been. 

Rent it or catch it in the reduced bin but don’t take it out to dinner – you’ll be disappointed.

For all of the other LC coverage we can't show you here, head on over to our Zombies and Toys Uncensored page.


Chad Hunter