CHOP CHOP (Film Review)

 

Starring: Atala Arce, Jake Taylor, David Harper

Directed by: Rony Patel

_________________________________________________________________

Along comes one of those movies during this subdued Halloween season that just gets your mind to wandering...WHY? Why did this happen? Why did this take place? What in the hell just happened to the 80 minutes I've lost watching this friggin' movie? Let's crack open the freezer and slide out the slab that holds director Rony Patel's latest film Chop Chop - then shove it back in and weld the damned door shut.

Simplistic in nature on one end, and convoluted as all hell on the other, this production plays like a Rubik's Cube that someone took all of the colored stickers off of - twist and turn it as much as you like because it won't make any sense no matter how you think you've got it solved. Centered around a lovey-dovey couple (Arce & Taylor) spending a quiet night at home with some dinner and a little lovin'. Their romantic interlude is interrupted by a creepier-than-creepy pizza deliveryman (Harper) who just can't seem to take a hint or to stop his homicidal urges. Without spilling too many spoilers, the delivery guy is quickly "neutralized" by our horny duo (almost too easily, really) and the question now becomes "what do they do with the body?" Now, I may be getting ahead of myself, because before we answer the body-question, we really should try to delve to the bottom of why was Mr. Crazed-Killer-Pizza-Guy there in the first place? Good question, indeed...if I had a speedy answer for you it would've already been thrown down in the review - guess we'll just chalk it up to as an incidental occurrence.

In any event, this unfortunate instance now has our lovebirds facing quite a dilemma which will have them crossing paths with some other shady characters and put into situations that basically defy explanation. This is the punishment we're all receiving and we'll all have to draw our own conclusions as to why all this non-sensical garbage is going on - lucky us, indeed. All of this directionless movement combined with some sleepwalking performances by the collective don't add up to an enjoyable viewing experience by any stretch - sad thing is the film looked as if there was some serious promise in its opening stages but went limp like a wet noodle (insert innuendo here). Overall, I'd seriously have to recommend bypassing this one at all costs, and I usually hate taking a dump on any film, but this was just a completely rudder-free 80 minute voyage into deep waters - screw the life-vest - I'm abandoning ship without a safeguard.

FILM RATING: 2 out of 5