WICKED WITCHES (Film Review)

                               Starring: Duncan Casey, Justin Marosa, Kitt Proudfoot

                                               Directed by: Martin J. Pickering


   It can be said that every film has a story to tell, and some can even offer up a life lesson in the middle of said story, and if I've learned anything from director Martin J. Pickering's Wicked Witches it's this - don't cheat on your loved ones, and don't have drug-riddled parties with flesh-hungry witches...see, ya learned something today, didn't you? I, however, like to properly delve into something before passing judgment and I can honestly say that after watching this film, my lesson was clearly etched in stone: DON'T WATCH THIS MOVIE AGAIN.

  Now, if you've ever read any of my reviews over the vast plethora of sites that I've scribbled for in the past, you know that I'm normally a bit vindictive when it comes to a film that I feel has wasted my time, and I usually require a 25 ft distance perimeter for those who don't wish to get hit with my vitriolic venom. However, while this isn't a movie that necessarily won't be on my "replay" list, it bothers me more that it truly could've been something fairly special, but let me down harder than a swift kick in the chestnuts on Christmas morning. Read along and see if you agree, won't you?

  The film, directed by Mr. Pickering himself (with co-writing duties accomplished by him and his brother, Mark), tells the tale of a man named Mark (Casey), and he's just committed the cardinal sin of cheating on his wife, who has promptly kicked his sorry butt to the curb. His landing spot is that of Dumpling Farm (as to where the film was formerly titled The Witches of Dumpling Farm). He reconnects with his old pal Ian (Marosa) in an attempt to get back on his feet, and maybe do some hard partying in the process. Right off the bat, we can tell without ever knowing the fella, that Ian is not right in the ol' noodle, and that the immediate area is chock-full of scantily-clad ladies with some heavy intents...and I'm not talking about simple mingling, here.

 Now while the decked appears to be heavily stacked in the favor of the horror aficionado - cannibalistic crones, plenty of gore and some nightmarish imagery, the stopping point is the SERIOUS lack of tempo and flow here, with far too much downtime and yapping that ultimately tosses a heavy, wet wool blanket directly over the fun. Sure, the movie picks itself up at times, but the tepid pacing is a damning effect that could potentially sway the hardcore fan's attention elsewhere. The Pickering brothers should be commended for their writing and production, but the execution was the kill-switch for me - a little more "balls-to-the-wall" and this presentation could have really been something to tout...unfortunately it'll just have to register to something akin to a fart in the breeze...passing by and just a bit unpleasant to the senses.


 FILM RATING: 2 out of 5